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Under Pressure

Woodland RoadA week ago, the energy shifted and I felt some lightness that had been absent in the past month.  I've been feeling like there needs to be a survival guide for parenting during difficult times.  Life goes on, even when jobs don't follow suit.  The children, and rightly so, don't sense the more serious things that have changed since Mike lost his job.  I know he feels pulled in many directions, all the things that need to be done, the outright healing that has needed to happen for our family after years of disjointed shift work.  I've really been struggling to keep up a good attitude when things feel so complicated, but it has felt a little easier lately.

There have been more breaks for me.  I've been getting some time to myself to handle some things that need to be taken care of without the children around.  That has been a help.  It has felt, at long last, like there are two parents in this home.  Bedtimes are no longer making me feel so divided between a baby and older (young) children who still need me.  Mike is still gone much of the day doing things for his own businesses or odd jobs, but he is home for meals and family time really exists now.  It's amazing how transforming a regular routine is.  When things start to feel uncertain, I feel the tension return.

I am learning some things, this time around, that evaded me during our first bout with unemployment six years ago.  Things do have a way of working out.  I still can't see the end, but I know that the path will become clearer with each passing day.  I have faith this time around.  We have been blessed with wonderful friends.  We will find ways to get what we need.  It will all become clear in time.  I don't know how long we will keep up with this, when things will shift.  I keep bracing myself for disappointment and having to take another job that doesn't fully support our family.  I know people talk about moving, but I don't think that is a real solution for us.

Looking back on the last six years, I see now that we did so very well with what we had.  I had, for various reasons, compared myself with other people who were better off, and let myself feel as though I hadn't really tried as hard as I could.  Of course, that was silly and I know it now.  I've known it for a year or so, though it's taken awhile to really silence those voices.  We have thrived, mostly, with what we had and made sacrifices that allowed us to do the things valued.  Mike's job was beginning to become toxic to our family, in some ways, and now we have this opportunity to shake all that off and work out something new, even if that means painting houses for awhile.  Our life is more focused, distilled to its essence of family and food and simplicity.


( 2 trees — Plant a Forest )
Sep. 28th, 2014 04:34 am (UTC)
You guys are really amazing. I'm glad you've been feeling easier.
Sep. 28th, 2014 11:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your encouragement (and cookies!). :-)
( 2 trees — Plant a Forest )

A Blessed Wilderness

It was just like being in heaven, being in there. In those days there was no road. The park was all a blessed wilderness. I have often thought what a wonderful people we would have been if we had wanted to keep it that way.

~Adolph Murie, biologist, on Denali


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