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Tidying Up

Tidying UpOh, it has been a week.  I spent a portion of Sunday through Thursday working on paintint our front porch.  It looked awful--paint flaking up everywhere--and it needed some attention long before I got around to it.  We bought the paint back in the Spring of 2009, in fact.  Willow was six months old then!  So, two days of scraping and sanding and sweeping and mopping.  Three days of painting while the children watched (mostly) out the window.  It looks a lot better now.  I'll take a picture for Crafting On.

Every week seems both long and short.  There are good times and there are hard times.  For me, hard times seem to be winning lately.  There are just some elements of the past seven and a half years that I am extremely tired of.  There are also many times when I feel like I have lost the very essence of myself.  The things that have made me who I am (or was) seem to have fallen away and I feel as if I am in a foreign mind and body.  There are times, of course, when I bolster myself with the idea that I have grown so much and learned so much and that the Working World was really getting me down.  But, the sad times are outnumbering the happy ones for me right now.  I am actively working on changing that.

Today is Laurel's birthday and it is going to be another rainy one.  The temperature is supposed to fall over the course of the day, so that pleases me.  I like days like that.  We're going to bake a cake and hope that her Apple Cake book arrives in the mail today.  We were supposed to get nice haircuts, Mike and me, but the budget just won't permit it.  I'm pretty disappointed about that, but I've waited six months already, so what's a bit more?  I think I will take to the woods today, maybe dragging along everyone else.  We've got rain boots and paints and coats, and I really need to get out of this house and its unending work and see a different place.

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( 10 trees — Plant a Forest )
ext_1863175
Nov. 7th, 2015 04:35 pm (UTC)
I take to the woods as often as I can, even if I find that the people I drag along with me are cranky about it. Things just feel less hard when I am surrounded by the whispers of trees and the conversation of birds.

For a long time now the sad times have outnumbered the happy ones for me. But I am learning to find joy in the midst of my struggles, and joy is better, deeper, more real than happiness (which is completely dependent upon circumstances). Joy is something you can reach for regardless of what is going on. The trick is in finding a way to let go of all the should be-s you've accumulated along the way (I'm still working on this). I can tell you that at forty-seven my life and marriage are not at all what I thought I was signing-up for when I said "yes" at the altar when I was twenty.

((((Hugs)))), Brandy.

And bountiful birthday blessings to Laurel!
impossibleway
Nov. 8th, 2015 11:56 am (UTC)
Thank you for your kinds words. I will have to think over your thoughts on joy. Yes, there are so many things one thinks should have been part of the dream that simply are not. We have no idea what we are doing when we stand before the preacher or on the cusp of adult life. I only hope I can give a small bit of wisdom to our children when their times come.
westernridge
Nov. 7th, 2015 11:36 pm (UTC)
I can relate to the sense of having lost yourself, and of the hard times outnumbering the good. I've been in a similar place lately. I try to reframe my thoughts, and affirm the idea that perhaps I haven't necessarily lost myself I just haven't completed the work of finding out who I am becoming. When everything feels like work, sometimes it is a tiring task. I find taking to the woods helps to quiet my mind, even for the moment, so that maybe I can slip into a place of being instead of doing, and that feels less like work than joy.
impossibleway
Nov. 8th, 2015 11:57 am (UTC)
What an interesting viewpoint. Yes, there is no end to the path of becoming, though the way gets fill with stones and roots. I guess I am picking my way over that right now, too. Being instead of doing.
elberethmyrrh
Nov. 8th, 2015 02:42 am (UTC)
Happy birthday to sweet Laurel Mae. ♥

I think when little ones comes quickly in the space of a few years, we can feel like this. We wonder who we are, where our old selves fit in. But we are continually being reborn and I am not sure if we remain the same through the years, children or no. I just think it is more of a dramatic difference for those of us in the trenches of raising small ones...
impossibleway
Nov. 8th, 2015 11:59 am (UTC)
It is a lot to try to balance continuous needs and wants of everyone else. We do change, yes, and there are things that never do, too. Those old dogs and their new tricks. ;-)
(Anonymous)
Nov. 8th, 2015 09:53 am (UTC)
Wishing you light and strength, Marike. And a happy birthday for your girl!
impossibleway
Nov. 8th, 2015 11:59 am (UTC)
Thank you!
(Anonymous)
Nov. 8th, 2015 03:43 pm (UTC)
Winter
I am loving the idea of the cooler weather, holidays and a crackling fire! Where do you all like to get your hair cut? I spent $25 on a cut for my son I most definitely could have done myself!
impossibleway
Nov. 10th, 2015 11:37 am (UTC)
Re: Winter
Me, too. I am beyond ready.

I used to get my hair cut as a cosmetology school for $7. It's closed, and I was going to get one for, ugh, $35. I'm used to paying around $20 elsewhere. I cut the children's hair myself.
( 10 trees — Plant a Forest )

A Blessed Wilderness

It was just like being in heaven, being in there. In those days there was no road. The park was all a blessed wilderness. I have often thought what a wonderful people we would have been if we had wanted to keep it that way.

~Adolph Murie, biologist, on Denali


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© impossibleway

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