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In the candlelight

Blowing out the candleThe past week has left me feeling battered and tossed, almost directionless.  Those March winds have carried over into April and it seems I hardly know where to turn to get out of them.  I don't say all that to be dramatic, but I guess it feels dramatic inside my head and heart.  Maybe, I have had a bit of a pause to catch a little breath and see where I've been before going on.  I'm just struggling and learning and trying to find balance, all while moving forward.

Trying to steer the ship for little folks in the midst of inner turmoil is an added challenge.  The frenzy of new life and energy that is Spring is just too much, over and over.  There is a yard to mow, plants to start or protect from frost, meals to make, messes to tidy.  Maybe these are the hardest years of parenting, physically.  All the years bring new challenges, of course, but these ones with little folks who need so much help.  Oh, my aching feet.

I feel our rhythm has definitely been off-kilter all the past month.  Circle times have been so-so.  Set periods for being outside have turned into entire afternoons.  I often find myself following the children outside and putting chores on hold, yet again.  Babies won't keep, it's true, but houses don't either.  I have to find balance between the two.  Let it be said, I did drop my work and pick violets with Willow for jelly.

Candlelight has been a constant, as if in all this wind and change we have needed something to gather around.  I have to light nearly twice daily fires for the gnomes to huddle around for warmth.  We've had a fire on the hearth the past two days, even though it was warmish out.  Just that flickering flame, that crackling heat has been so nice, even with all the tree bark.  I am hoping we'll have another fire tonight, as the weather has turned chilly again.

Night times are a balm to my spirit.  No matter the difficulties of the day, the children and I all make peace for bedtime.  The wild children and the harried mother find solace in a simple poem, a prayer and a sweet breath that sends the day off.  We all lay down together, as we always have, just after Laurel blows out the candle.  It signifies an end, a turning point, a real shift from waking to sleeping.  Bedtime is never trouble, oddly.

You are mother's little child,
safe in your bed a-lying.
Above your head the stars now send
their golden rays a-flying.

In your eyes the sweet sandman,
with quiet hand drops sleepy sand,
so you may climb your starlit dream
 to the sparkling starry land . . .

~Goodnight :: Marjan Van Zeyl


( 3 trees — Plant a Forest )
Apr. 2nd, 2016 10:24 pm (UTC)
Hoping you regain your balance. Spring is such a hard transition.
Apr. 3rd, 2016 01:48 am (UTC)
I feel you, Brandy, oh, yes I do. I am having a very hard time this season. It seems that things keep getting worse, if that is possible...if that is true. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just my own wicked perception. Who knows?

I wish balance and peace for both of us, dear sister, and sweeter days ahead.

Susan ♥
Apr. 5th, 2016 02:54 pm (UTC)
You know, unceasing wind makes me feel a bit mad. Other people don't understand it. I briefly lived in Oklahoma, and I thought I might go off the deep end. I think the springtime shift gets to me as well - as welcome as it is, as much as I love it - somehow I just become instantly aware of a thousand things that need doing. You are right, though, about these being the toughest years parenting, physically. Saying some prayers for you for strength and rest. I love that goodnight verse - I'm going to say that to my children tonight! - Stacey
( 3 trees — Plant a Forest )

A Blessed Wilderness

It was just like being in heaven, being in there. In those days there was no road. The park was all a blessed wilderness. I have often thought what a wonderful people we would have been if we had wanted to keep it that way.

~Adolph Murie, biologist, on Denali


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