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BarleyIt feels almost as if I wandered in a desert for awhile, like I'd lost sight of simple things to make my days easier.  I just felt so emotionally drained, so weary.  My joy was gone.  I don't know--the effort was there--there have just been so many hard things to come our way this year.  I did the only thing I knew to do: keep moving and push through to the other side.  So, I'm back at a sort of beginning (here at the year's end) and it feels right.

For a time, I thought that taking a parenting class seemed a little, well, off.  I was operating on the idea that I was beyond it all, needing something meatier.  Now I'm seeing that it really is helpful just to start from scratch and relearn what you think you already know.  It's the simple things that really matter, as much as our modern lives try to drag us away from that.  I don't think I knew the weight of the subtitle for this blog that I set, oh, five years ago--Seeking the simple in the midst of complexities.

I can redirect negative energy again.  I can give my children good things to do with their hands.  I can connect first and do my own thing once the emotional cups have been filled.  I can see Roan clearing blocks off a shelf and sit down and build with my children instead of scolding.  I can, after more than a little time, give Willow some simple contracting work to do while I perform a task that I really desire to be alone with.  She took such pleasure in moving some barley around in bowls during quiet time.

I am finding my way back to being a happy mother again.  I have children who complain that they don't get chores to do.  I have a baby who will happily be moved out in the yard repeatedly so she can crawl back over to our leaf piles.  Winter is coming quickly and I am hopeful that this will be a very good one.


( 2 trees — Plant a Forest )
Nov. 5th, 2014 04:46 pm (UTC)
I may need to pick your brain. I am definitely NOT a happy mother lately, and it seems that my kids are happier when I am not around because I am such a little black cloud.
Nov. 6th, 2014 02:27 am (UTC)
Let's plan to talk or e-mail soon. :-) "I'm a little black raincloud."
( 2 trees — Plant a Forest )

A Blessed Wilderness

It was just like being in heaven, being in there. In those days there was no road. The park was all a blessed wilderness. I have often thought what a wonderful people we would have been if we had wanted to keep it that way.

~Adolph Murie, biologist, on Denali


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