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Late Summer Bouquet

Late Summer BouquetThe end of Summer is proving to be difficult for me.  All this past week I have felt terribly burnt out and alone.  Months of travel with no weeks in town for Mike have been very hard on us all.  I can honestly say that I have never felt more lonely than here at home with three children and no other adults, including very few friends.  All of my family are on vacations and I think that has compounded things.  I don't say it often, but I'm really and truly on my own nearly all the time.  It has been increasingly hard to keep it together as the months pass, though Mike tries very hard on the weekends.  We both want things to change, but don't see a way out right now.

I seem to fluctuate between the Ideal and the harsh Reality that lurks beneath, always chiseling away at me.  The truth is that I have been overwhelmed and mildly depressed for the past seven years.  The beginning and continuation of poverty is difficult, no matter how you look at it.  I completely understand how people fall into bad situations.  I have always felt that ours was buffered a little, by having had a fairly solid start and by living in a place with a somewhat cashless society.  I don't know where I am going here.  All I know is that I am tired.

We have been taking trips to the woods and fields lately.  It is mostly an escape for me and a way to share something good with the children.  The fresh air helps them so much and I find it hard to get myself outside when I am here at home.  I have some hope for Fall.  I think the change in weather will be good for me. 

Comments

( 6 trees — Plant a Forest )
(Anonymous)
Sep. 20th, 2015 02:47 am (UTC)
Oh, Brandy, my heart goes out to you. I don't talk about it much, either, but I've been on my own with the children a lot at various times, and may soon be in that situation again. When we were in Montana we were very isolated, and it truly began to wear on me. And it's so hard not to have your husband with you. It always works for me to go out into the woods and fields, too - all of that beauty and fresh air for free. It's good for all of us, and I feel like I'm creating happy memories. I know I'm only your internet friend, but if you feel lonely, fb message me or email me all you want! I'd love to chat more. I hope things are brighter for you soon. - Stacey
impossibleway
Sep. 22nd, 2015 11:05 am (UTC)
Thank you for your words. I will have to get in contact with you, for sure.
blakdove
Sep. 20th, 2015 02:59 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, friend. I never knew how isolating motherhood would be, and it's even more so for you with Mike's job. I hope Fall brings some relief.
impossibleway
Sep. 22nd, 2015 11:05 am (UTC)
Thank you. And thanks for chatting yesterday, too!
(Anonymous)
Sep. 22nd, 2015 01:36 am (UTC)
I think we will all feel better when the season changes to the cozy time of year. Hang in there and bake something yummy!
impossibleway
Sep. 22nd, 2015 11:06 am (UTC)
I normally love Fall and get sad when Spring comes, but this has been a very difficult Summer. I always love to bake. I think I'll make rolls today. :-)
( 6 trees — Plant a Forest )

A Blessed Wilderness

It was just like being in heaven, being in there. In those days there was no road. The park was all a blessed wilderness. I have often thought what a wonderful people we would have been if we had wanted to keep it that way.

~Adolph Murie, biologist, on Denali


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© impossibleway

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